Waiting and Small Joys


For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. -Romans 8: 18-27

I am 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant as I write this.

Nothing earth shattering in the way of pregnancy, as I have many friends who went a full 2 weeks overdue with their babies, but it's definitely new for me, and wow, so hard. My mom is with us in Waco now, and at this point I'm just hoping she'll get a little time with the baby before her flight next Monday.

This last week has been a combination of tragedy and comedy. Not true tragedy, but a theatrical sort of tragedy, mind you. I haven't been very present in this space not because it was impossible to find time (although that has been difficult what with Cody starting the Fall semester), but because my brain feels like it took a vacation. I feel bored in a way I've never felt before, even though there's plenty to do. I've inhaled children's lit like oxygen, and cleaned like a tornado. Keeping up with the boys, even though they might be the world's easiest to care for children, has been a struggle mentally and physically. It has been frustrating feeling so incapacitated and I long for my old body that could move and lift and function in a way that makes motherhood easier.

You might be wondering if I take back all my praise of the 3rd trimester? Not really, because all of what I wrote doesn't mean that the 3rd trimester isn't difficult. All of pregnancy carries with it a certain amount of trial and discomfort. I am still thankful that I'm at the end, right on the edge of getting that baby in my arms. This is what the last 40+ weeks have been about. I'm about to run the last bit of this wild marathon, and get my trophy, which promises to be squishy and fat and perfect and truly miraculous.

At any moment, labor could start, and we could be just hours away from holding our baby, a little boy whom I have every confidence is going to be the bomb and have no trouble keeping up with his older brothers (okay, after a little while). We're already getting a sense of his personality, and it's so fun. A few days ago I was leaning back in a chair, ordering some sheets online. My wallet was on my belly, and I picked it up to zip it and it slipped out of my hands and fell about 3 inches and plopped on my stomach. Immediately the baby lurched, so startled. It was so crazy and hilarious to witness his reflexes in the womb. Cody felt pretty bad for the little guy and promptly promised him that if he came out we wouldn't drop things on him.

Other things that are fun right now are having a friend who texts you with never ending hope and belief that this baby will be born (a fact I irrationally doubt constantly). Current prediction is labor starting at 3 p.m. today. This same friend even had a nightmare about the baby's name. It's like we're sharing this pregnancy, and I love it.

Now that my mom is here, we're able to do some projects that I didn't think would happen very easily after the baby arrived. She's constantly up and about cleaning something (scoured sinks, hello!), and is going to make a baptismal gown for the baby. We went to Hobby Lobby yesterday and picked out the fabric and trim, so today we'll get things started on it. This is something I would never have attempted on my own, and baptismal gowns can be pricey! I am so grateful for this. Here is the pattern I bought on Etsy in case anyone is interested.

Another project in the works is a batch of indigo dye. I have a pile of lovely white things ready for their transformation, and the last of it arrived today. Perfect baby socks from Pact Apparel. I've been nervous to tackle this project on my own, so I'm glad mom is here to help. She has experimented with just about every kind of handicraft over the years (basketry even!), so our batch of white things is in good hands.

And simply having an extra set of hands to help with lunch and cleanup, or read to the boys or get them fascinated with school work, has been wonderful.

My body is tired, but I slept well last night and woke up with a burst of energy. The waiting is so hard, the physical weight of things is so hard, but I am convicted to be thankful for this temporary picture of the longing and groaning that the whole earth lives and breathes every day, waiting for our savior to return and release us from pain and sin and death. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, I'll be holding my baby.

I find myself saying often not just "baby boy, come quickly," but also "Lord, come quickly."

P.S. My semi-magical Restless Leg Routine for those who might need it:

  1. Drink 2 tsp. of Natural Calm at some point during the day
  2. Take an Epsom salt bath (2 cups of salts!) every night before bed and soak for 20 minutes
  3. After your bath, spray your body with Magnesium spray. The Magnesium spray makes my legs sting a little, so I follow up immediately with a little cocounut oil.
  4. Once you've applied the magnesium spray, combine 2-3 drops each Aroma Touch, Marjoram, and 1 drop Geranium oils with a teaspoon of coconut oil. Apply to your legs and thoroughly rub the mixture in, massaging your legs as best you can.
  5. And last but not least, right before I close my eyes to sleep, I massage doTerra’s Deep Blue Rub into my legs from my thighs to my ankles. Occasionally I have to reapply a bit more if I notice my legs are still jumpy after 5 or 10 minutes.

Shameless plug: If you need a source for essential oils, I can hook you up. I don't push oils on social media because I have a hard time knowing how to share without it sounding like I'm simply trying to push a product. But I do share them occasionally because I honestly don't know how I ever did pregnancy without them. I've been using them for nearly 2 years and the difference is glaring. Frankly, it would be plain stupid if I didn't share that with you all. Don't hesitate to get in touch if you want to know more.